Family Is God's Idea
We live in a society today that has little regard for the
honor and sanctity of marriage as God designed it. We also live in a time of
great marital discord and family disintegration. A recent survey report from a particular
country, statistical data, projected, indicates that one in every two marriages
will end in divorce. This tragic statistics are evidence that God's first
institution - the home - is in danger and must be patterned after His instructions
or the tragedy will be even more catastrophic.
A lot of people are confused about marriage in today’s more
“liberated ““enlightened” culture. Concept such as honor, trust, faithfulness,
and commitment seem old fashioned and out of touch with modern society. Many people in certain culture change
partners as easily as they change cloths. Someone asked a question to a middle
aged person “what you think about marriage? He said “Marriage should be like a
workshop, where the husband works and the wife shops” This confusion over
marriage should not surprise us, considering bewildering barrage of the worldly
attitudes and philosophies that hit us at ever turn. People today shop for
relationship s the way they shop for cloths. Is marriage is still viable in
modern society? The answer is yes. Marriage is still the best Idea because it
is God’s Idea. He created it, designed it, established it and define it
parameters. God Himself instituted and ordained marriage at the very beginning
of human history. God established marriage as a permanent relationship, the
union of two separate people – a man and woman -In to “one flesh”. God established it as the first and most
foundational and fundamental building block of society. The Bible contains
God’s principles and plan for achieving quality and health in family life. If
we want to experience marriage the way it was designed to be, first of all we need
a vital relationship with God and also we must take very seriously
the Bible as it relates to the family.
Family Is Divine in Origin
According to Scripture marriage
is ordained by God as an intimate and permanent partnership between a man and a
woman in which the two become one in the whole of life. Marriage is the sacred and lifelong union of a
man and a woman giving themselves to each other in love and trust. Beyond a
shadow of a doubt Marriage is the most important affair in everyone life. Vast
numbers of books, magazines and marriage counseling resources are dedicated to
the subject of marriage preparation and marriage improvement. A search of
Amazon.com turned up more than 20,000 books on overcoming marital problems and
improving communication in marriage. But have you ever wondered what the original
instruction manual (Bible) has to say about marriage? A quick search reveals
more than 500 Old and New Testament references to the words
"marriage," "married," "husband," and
"wife." Obviously, we can't cover all 500-plus verses, so we'll just
look at a few key passages.
Gen. 2:18, 21-24
“The Lord God said, 'It
is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for
him'...and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up
the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he
had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is
now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for
she was taken out of man.' For this reason a man will leave his father and
mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
Here we see the first marriage. We can conclude from this
account in Genesis that marriage is God's idea, designed and instituted by the
Creator. In these verses we also discover that at the heart of God's design for
marriage is companionship and intimacy. God wants marriages to be strong. He
wants them to last long. He wants them to be a reflection of His relationship
with His redeemed people. One of the familiar verses in the Bible is Matthew
19:6. That passage contains the words of Jesus in regard to marriage.
"What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Why?
Because…
Ø
God created marriage as a loyal partnership
between one man and one woman.
Ø
Marriage is the firmest foundation for building
a family and then society and Nation.
Ø
God designed sexual expression to help married
couples build intimacy and permanent bond.
Ø
Marriage mirrors God's covenant relationship
with His people.
Ø
God desires that we develop and nurture a
personal, interactive relationship with Him.
Ø
Marriage is the full expression and design of
God's image in human beings.
Ø
Marriage is created out of divine order, is
based on a covenant relationship, reflects our relationship with God and truly
has a greater impact in our lives than many have assumed.
Ø
Marriage – The Unity Of One Man & One Woman Joined
Together By God
Ø
Marriage Is A Platform To Practice The Same
Qualities Or Characteristics Of Christ.
Focus of marriage should not be whether our spouse meets all
conditions perfectly, to provide an easy relationship to enjoy, rather we
should focus on the opportunities God gives us in marriage to build up our character.
You are married to a person who does not meet all the conditions, so that
you might learn unconditional love. You are married to a person who
needs mercy, so that you learn to give it. The Main Purpose Of Marriage
Is That Through Your Marriage You Become Transformed To The Image Of Jesus
Christ.
This
divine principle needs to be applied to the crumbling standards of the marital
realm. It is high time that the beautiful, expressive words of Ephesians
5:31-33 be a daily reminder in the hearts of every married couple: "For
this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his
wife, and the two shall be become one flesh. This mystery is great: but I am
speaking concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each individual
among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it
that she respect her husband."
Notice how Paul contrasted the nature and responsibilities of marriage back to the marriage of Adam and Eve (Gen. 2:18-24) to substantiate what has always been true from the beginning. This scripture points out that marriage is a divine institution. It was designed by and originated with the Blessings of God. Also this scripture along with 1 Cor. 7:2 establishes that marriage is monogamous. God created for Adam what was needed for his marriage: one woman. Paul stated that each man was to have his own wife and each woman was to have her own husband. This monogamous relationship is not having one husband or one wife at a time. The principle of monogamy is one man for one woman for life. Marriage is a permanent bond between a man and woman and is intended to last until death (Romans 7:1-3)
Notice how Paul contrasted the nature and responsibilities of marriage back to the marriage of Adam and Eve (Gen. 2:18-24) to substantiate what has always been true from the beginning. This scripture points out that marriage is a divine institution. It was designed by and originated with the Blessings of God. Also this scripture along with 1 Cor. 7:2 establishes that marriage is monogamous. God created for Adam what was needed for his marriage: one woman. Paul stated that each man was to have his own wife and each woman was to have her own husband. This monogamous relationship is not having one husband or one wife at a time. The principle of monogamy is one man for one woman for life. Marriage is a permanent bond between a man and woman and is intended to last until death (Romans 7:1-3)
Family Is Divine in Purpose
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his
mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis
2:24, Matthew 19:5, Ephesians 5:31)
Marriage
is a divine institution for companionship and intimacy. Marriage partners are
to leave all others and cleave to each other. Genesis 2:18 says: "Then the
Lord God said, 'It is not good for a man to be alone; I will make him a helper
suitable for him'."
Marriage is the sacred and lifelong union of a man and a woman giving themselves to each other in love and trust. It signifies the mystery of the union between Christ and the Church. Marriage is a gift from our heavenly Father given so that husband and wife may enrich and encourage each other in every area of their life together. It is ordained so that with delight and tenderness they may know each other in love, and through their physical union they may celebrate oneness and strengthen the union of their lives while glorifying God as a living testimony. Marriage is given that children may be born and brought up in security and love, that home and family life may be strengthened, and that society may continue to multiply and stand upon firm moral foundations. Marriage is a covenant between you and God and as such cannot be broken. It is meant to be forever, “until death us do part.” Marriage is a way of life which should be kept pure and a spiritual amalgamation which the community is called upon to uphold and honor (Heb. 13:4); it is not to be entered into lightly or selfishly, but responsibly and in the love of God.
Procreation, the perpetuation of the human race, is another purpose of marriage. Genesis 1:28 says, "And God blessed them; and God said to them, 'be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it'." Children are to be born of parents who are married to each other. The home is the basic unit of society and is ordained of God. Marriage is also required to avoid fornication. First Corinthians 7:2-3 says: "But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband."
God gave us our bodies and the sexual desire for each other. There is nothing evil, sinful, or shameful regarding the sexual relationship of husband and wife. However, sexual activity outside of marriage, either pre-marital or extra-marital, is to defile that which God has made sacred and holy. Fornicators, adulterers, homosexuals, lesbians, etc. are violators of the Holy intent of God and they turn what God purposed to be a beautiful and pure relationship into something reprehensible and filthy. What constitutes marriage? A marriage is recognized by God when a man and woman resolve with mutual love and respect in their hearts to live together as husband and wife, and conform to whatever civil ceremonies are required (Rom. 13:1). There is no middle road between marriage and adultery. Two people who are living together are either married or they are committing adultery.
A question
for all who are married: When was the first time you looked at your spouse and
thought, "How in the world did I choose to marry this person?" Most
of us who are married have asked that question at some point. Oh, when we stand
at the altar, although we know that most couples quarrel, and although we know
that we have quarreled prior to marriage, many of us believe that ours will be the
first marriage in the history of the world to be characterized exclusively by
tenderness, respect, and love. It usually does not take us too many weeks to
discover that this seemingly perfect spouse, amazingly, has not escaped the
stain of sin. And we begin to wonder what we're in for.
I presume that of those who stay together, half are hanging
on because of children, survival, finance support, or fear of society and loneliness.
Some are truly and consistently happy, out of a fortunate combination of circumstance,
rather than any particular brand of wisdom and love. Most of the remaining
marriages, I think, are not about happiness or unhappiness, but accommodation,
adjustment, comprmise and negotiation. Conflicts
in marriage are inevitable, for after all we live in a fallen world. We are all
still battling "the flesh, and the devil." But when conflicts arise
they should serve to remind us that, for the moment, we have ceased to realize
we are one! When we realize that we are one, we will put everything we have
into pleasing each other, encouraging each other, helping each other, standing
by each other, and, in general, simply loving each other. We have one purpose.
We have one goal. We have one life together. We are one.
There are some vital keys to marriage
and they are all very difficult to forge. The first is communication, it is
often said that communication is the secret of a successful marriage. Good
communication requires pure heart, clear conscious, goodwill, discipline,
practice and determination. The second is respect, which in many ways is more
important than love. Love comes and goes, but respect endures, and provides the
space for love to flow after the ebb, which is bound to come in all long
marriages sooner or later. The third is trust. And this is the hardest of all,
because if you have ever been let down – and we all have – reconstructing the
trust is difficult. This isn't only about infidelity, but many small matters –
broken promises, unfaithfulness, bad intentions, and frustrated hopes. Forth
key is “forgiveness" as opposed to bitterness and rebellious attitude and un-forgiveness.
You need to forget and forgive again about any perceived hurts and
mistreatment. Dragging the weight of the past behind you will drag you down in
the end.
Family as the foundational building block of society, it was
designed to provide the context for the nurture and training of each succeeding
generation. The family was also designed to reflect and transfer spiritual
truth. Scripture uses the imagery of the family to speak of our relationship
with God in Christ. As believers, we are adopted children in the household of
God (Rom. 8:15-17). We are also heirs with Christ (Rom. 8:17; Eph. 1:11; 3:6).
The living God is our loving Father (Heb. 12:5-11), and we are His children (1
John 3:1). The family has been called "a laboratory for the application of
biblical truth in a relational setting." It is a training ground for the
impartation of values, for learning how to give and receive love, and for the
development of relationships. Parents are responsible to provide for their
children’s needs. But they have also been entrusted with the responsibility of
shaping their children's character and guiding their spiritual, psychological,
intellectual, emotional, and physical growth. More than anything else, we
should want to present our children to the Lord as people who will love and
serve Him.
Family Is Divine in its formation
“Then
the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the
man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my
bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be
called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of
man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to
his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:22-24
Let us consider the first wedding in the history, solemnized
by God Himself and the first married couples in the beautiful Garden of Eden.
And the first Honeymoon, a delightful times. The term honeymoon seems to have been coined to convey the idea
that the first moon, or first month, of marriage is the sweetest and most
satisfying. But that’s not exactly the way it ought to be. God would be pleased
for our marriages to get better as time passes. Every new month should be
sweeter and more satisfying than the one before. Consider it for a moment. If
ever a marriage was made in heaven, this one was. It was perfectly planned and
perfectly performed by a perfect God.
First he sculptured Adam (Gen 2:7).
Molded by the Master Maker, Adam doubtless had a flawless physique and ruggedly
handsome features. And he was made in God’s own image (Gen 1:27). That means he
had a Godlike personality—perfect intellect, emotions, and will. He possessed a
brilliant mind, undiminished by sin. He had faultless emotions, including tender
and totally unselfish love, the love of God Himself. And he had a will that was
in complete harmony with the purposes of his creator.
But let us also think
about Eve Bible says “So the Lord
God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of
his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place. And the Lord God fashioned
into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the
man”. Adam must have gazed at Eve with awe and appreciation. This was God’s
creative genius at its best, unblemished grace and beauty, pure loveliness of
face and form. Fashioned by the hand of God Himself, Eve had to be the most
gorgeous creature who ever walked the face of the earth. And like Adam, she was
made in God’s image. Her mind, emotions, and will were unaffected by sin. What
man wouldn’t go for a woman like that?
Adam immediately recognized her similarity to himself. He
said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called
Woman, because she was taken out of Man” . It seems that without any special
revelation from God, Adam instinctively knew that Eve was made from him; she
was part of him; she was his equal; she was his complement and counterpart. He
called her woman, “female man.” He drew her to himself in tender love. She
ended his biting loneliness and filled his life with happiness. She was just
exactly what he needed. And nothing brought her more satisfaction than the
assurance that her husband needed her so very much. What intense and
indescribable pleasure they found in each other’s company! How they loved one
another!
Their home was located in Eden, the perfect place (Gen 2;8).
The word Eden means “delight,” and delightful it was. Well-watered at the
fountainhead of four rivers, Eden was a luscious green paradise, blanketed with
every beautiful and edible growing thing (Gen 2:9,10). They cultivated the
ground, but as they had no thistles or weeds to contend with, their work was
totally effortless and enjoyable. Side by side they lived and labored in
perfect harmony, sharing a sense of mutual interdependence, enjoying a freedom
of communion and communication, possessing a deep-flowing affection that bound
their spirits to each other. They were inseparable.
The Word of God says, “And the man and his wife were both
naked and were not ashamed” (Gen 2:25). It was a relationship of perfect purity
and innocence. There was no sin in them. There was no strife between them. They
were at peace with God, at peace with themselves, and at peace with each other.
This was truly the perfect marriage. This was paradise. But something happened.
The biblical account brings us, secondly, to the entrance of
sin. There is no doubt that the subtle tempter who approached Eve in this
episode was Satan using the body of a serpent as his instrument ( Rev 12:9).
His first approach was to question the Word of God. “Indeed, has God said, ‘You
shall not eat from any tree of the garden?’” (Gen 3:1). After he questioned
God’s Word, he flatly denied it: “You surely shall not die!” he dogmatically
declared (Gen 3:4). Finally, he ridiculed God and brazenly distorted His Word:
“For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and
you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Gen 3:5). They would know evil
all right, but they would not be as God. In reality the very opposite would be
true. The likeness to God they did enjoy would be scarred and spoiled. Satan’s
methods have not changed much through the centuries. We know them well—the
doubts, the distortions, the denials. Yet we too fall prey to them. We can
identify with Eve in her moment of weakness. We know what it is to yield to
temptation.
Satan used the tree of the knowledge of good and evil to do
his sinister work. God had placed that tree in the garden to be the symbol of
Adam and Eve’s submission to Him (Gen 2:17), but Satan sometimes uses even good
things to lure us from God’s will. “When the woman saw that the tree was good
for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was
desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also
to her husband with her, and he ate” (Gen 3:6). Have you noticed that Eve was
tempted in all three major areas listed in 1 John 2:16? (1) The lust of
the flesh—“good for food.” (2) The lust of the eyes—“a delight to the eyes.”
(3) The pride of life—“to make one wise.” These are the same major areas Satan
uses to get us out of sorts with God and with each other—the desire to gratify
our physical senses, the desire to have material things, and the desire to
impress people with our importance.
Instead of fleeing from temptation as the Scriptures later
exhort us to do, Eve flirted with it. She had everything a person could want in
life, but she stood there and allowed her mind to meditate on the one thing she
did not have until it became an obsession with her and brought her happy married
life to an unhappy termination. Eve did not flee. “She took from its fruit and
ate” (Gen 3:6). “gave also to her husband with her” We have no idea why he did
not try to stop her, or why he did not refuse to follow her in her sin. But we
do know that he failed her woefully on this occasion. He neglected to provide
the spiritual leadership God wanted him to provide, and instead he let her lead
him into sin. God gave Eve to Adam to be his helper, but her covetous heart
destroyed him.
Together they waited for the new delights of divine wisdom
Satan had promised them. Instead, a horrid sense of guilt and shame crept over
them. Their spirits died at that very moment (Gen 2:17), and their physical
bodies began the slow process of decay that would mar God’s beautiful handiwork
and end ultimately in physical death. The Apostle Paul was speaking of physical
death when he said, “Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the
world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all
sinned” (Rom 5:12). That’s the way it is with sin. It promises so much and
delivers so little. It promises freedom, wisdom, and pleasure, but it delivers
bondage, guilt, shame, and death.
Suddenly their nakedness became symbolic of their sin (Gen
3:7). It exposed them openly to the penetrating eyes of the most holy God. They
tried to cover their bodies with fig leaves, but it was not acceptable. God
would later reveal that the only adequate covering for sin would involve the
shedding of blood (Gen 3:21; Lev.17:11; Heb.9:22).
That brings us, finally, to the painful aftermath. Sin is
accompanied by disastrous consequences whether or not we are willing to accept
the blame for it. Adam blamed his part of the tragedy on Eve and God: “The
woman whom Thou gavest to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate” (Gen
3:12). Eve said the devil made her do it (Gen 3:13). In much the same way, we
may try to blame our marital problems on someone else. But God held them both
responsible, just as he holds each of us responsible for our part of the blame.
And there is usually some blame on both sides. God wants us to face it
squarely, not skirt around it.
The consequences were almost more than Adam and Eve
could bear. There are three separate aspects of the consequences of sin 1). The
penalty of sin which describes the very real moral debt that every person now
carries as a result of sin; 2). the power of sin which describes the enslaving
and corrupting power that sinful thoughts, attitudes and actions can produce in
the human heart; 3). the pain of sin which describes the misery and heartache
that results in the lives of those trapped by the enslaving and corrupting
power of sin. Thank God that in His love, mercy and grace He has made provision
to enables us to overcomes every aspect of sin.
God's love is
revealed in creation, and it is also revealed in our salvation Bible says “For God so loved the world that he
gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall
not perish but have eternal life”. (John 3:16NIV) This desire and love in God's
heart not only moved Him to create us. It also urged Him to go through a
process so that He could enter into us and make us His expression. He, the
infinite God, humbled Himself to become a finite human being named Jesus
Christ. In Him, all the fullness of the Godhead dwelt, and through Him,
all the fullness of the Godhead was expressed. Everything He did, said, and
thought was a pure expression of God in humanity. This brought the highest
delight to God, for in Jesus Christ, His eternal purpose began to be fulfilled
in that a man was fully expressing God. Then the Lord Jesus allowed Himself to
be crucified on a cross in order that through death, the God-expressing life
that resided within Him could be released and made available to us. Christ
opened the way for us to
receive His divine life that we might become the reproduction of Christ,
bringing delight to God's heart by fulfilling His purpose.
There is no hope for
a marital relationship to become all it can be until both husband and wife have
the assurance of forgiveness and acceptance by God. That assurance can only be
experienced when we have acknowledged our sin and placed our trust in Jesus Christ’s
perfect sacrifice on Calvary for deliverance from the eternal condemnation
which our sin deserves. The new life in Jesus, frees us from the devastating
hold and effects of sin, guilt and death (Rom. 8:1). The resurrection power of
Jesus provides us the Power and Grace to live an abundant and everlasting life
filled with righteousness, joy, peace and happiness. When you have made
that decision, the way is clear for God to fill your heart with His tenderness
and love, take away your selfishness and stubbornness, and give you a
self-sacrificing concern for the needs of your mate. And you may yet enjoy a
little taste of paradise.
Family Is Divine in Discipline
“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power
and love and discipline.”(2 Timothy 1:7).
The idea of biblical discipline is having a sound
mind – thinking the right thoughts. The word discipline derives from the
Greek word which means "to teach". Wrong-doing results in harm and is
therefore to be avoided. True discipline not only guards, but guides. It
overcomes evil with good. Effective discipline consists not only of words and
acts of correction, but also it involves instruction and exhortation to good
deeds and thought. In addition to all this, the most effective discipline is a loving
and patient example in all good things. Good parents refuse to leave their
children at the mercy of their own folly. Exerting every effort to prepare
their children for successful living, they teach them the needful skills of
self-control, respect for authority, consideration for others, and submission
to God. This training involves teaching, leading, correcting. In a word, this
training involves discipline in home.
People with discipline master their temperament and control
their tongue. They live by their principles and commitments, not by their
preference and emotions. They put their minds in gear before opening their
mouths. “He who guards his lips guards his life” (Proverbs 13:3).People with
discipline restrain their reactions. (Proverbs 19:11). Discipline people
administer their Finance and make the best use of time. (Proverbs 21:20)
(Ephesians 5:15–16).
Discipline is one of the main core of a healthy marriage. Trust
and truthfulness should be at its highest order. Once you are in a covenant relationship
that is the lifelong commitment. If you have children then you have higher responsibility.
Discipline is being capable of maintaining yourself, while you are around other
attractive people; and to be true to yourself as well as your partner. Trust,
takes a lot of time and effort to build up, yet it can destroyed in an instant.
Being honest with each other and being able to speak the truth without fear is
a crucial part of a true relationship. You must be honest to your partner
about things that you are feeling, thinking and doing. Both partners need to
accept responsibility. Protecting each other from harm and not blaming each
other when things don't go right. You must treat your partner like no one else
in the world matters to you except them. Love does not flourish by its self;
you have to work hard for it and discipline it. If there is a gloomy side you
have to enhance it, then it will blossom. A good relationship is for better,
for worse, for richer, or poorer, in sickness and in health. Let us consider
one area of family discipline in training
of the children.
Bible says
(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how
can he take care of God's church?) (1 Timothy 3:5)
“Train ups a child in the way he should go; even when
he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them
with the rod, they will not die.” (Proverbs 23:13)
Perhaps the greatest ongoing
challenge in life is to keep one's
priorities in the biblical order. It is easy to let the good become the enemy
of the best by making a career, money or material gain supremely important.
When this happens, we begin to neglect our personal and family obligation and principle
based discipline and devotional lives, the scriptural priority sequence is
clear: God first, family second, career- work third. We should regularly remind
ourselves of this order and examine the way we spend our time in light of it.
This may mean the elimination of unnecessary responsibilities and the
limitation of outside activities. Good children are the product of careful
cultivation, and this requires time.
Ephesians 6:1-4, the key New Testament passage on child
rearing: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your
father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may
be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. And fathers, do not
provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and
instruction of the Lord. While fathers have the primary responsibility for
family discipline, this passage also applies to mothers. The words "discipline
and instruction" ("nurture and admonition" in the KJV) refer to
corrective and preventive discipline. Biblical discipline involves not merely
the negative activity of punishing children for disobedience, but also the
positive activity of teaching children the way they should go. Preventive
teaching should be backed up with corrective measures, and correction should be
bolstered by teaching.
Family rules are important, but they have meaning only
within the context of relationships. The parent-child relationship is best
characterized by a love which acts in the best interests of the child. This is
the kind of love which sometimes must hurt in order to heal, even when a child
does not understand. Just as the Lord disciplines those whom He loves (Prov.
3:12; Heb. 12:6), so parents who really love their children will discipline and
instruct them with firmness. "All discipline for the moment seems not to
be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards
it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness" (Heb. 12:11). When
punishment becomes necessary, it is important to explain the reason for it and
to reaffirm your love in the process so that your child will realize that you
rejected his behavior, not him. You may not like what your child did, but you
want him to realize your unconditional love for who he is. Sometimes your best
opportunities to communicate this love to your child occur immediately after
punishment. As James Dobson observed, "It is the ultimate paradox of childhood
that a youngster wants to be controlled, but he insists that his parents earn
the right to control him."
Discipline and love are both necessary; either discipline
without love or love without discipline will ruin the parent-child
relationship. Ross Campbell's How to Really Love Your Child and James Dobson's
Dare to Discipline, The Strong-Willed Child, and Preparing for Adolescence are
recommended books which present the needed balance. Scripture exhorts us to let
our minds dwell on that which is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good
repute, excellent, and worthy of praise (Phil. 4:8). Love places an emphasis on
the positive. How often do you look for actions, attitudes, and words on the
part of your children that you can praise? A report from the American Institute
of Family Relations states that parents make ten negative comments for every
positive remark to their children. Yet we accomplish far more by loving
affirmation than we do by berating. Sadly, parents are often more sensitive to
bad behavior than they are to good. It is not surprising, then, that children
sometimes act disobediently just to be noticed. The antidote to this disorder
is parental love and companionship. Just as we want others to be sensitive to
our feelings, we need to be sensitive to times when children are tired, hungry,
anxious, or ill.
We teach children to love by displaying love. Children
derive as much security from the assurance that their parents love each other
as they do from the assurance that their parents love them. Nothing is more
threatening to a child than to see his parents fighting and yelling at each
other. As the Search booklet on marriage emphasizes, it is disastrous to a
marriage when parents devote themselves entirely to their children and fail to
grow in their relationship with each other. It is far healthier for everyone in
the family when children are exposed to parents who demonstrate their deep love
for each other. Love is to be a way of life which surrounds every relationship
in the home.
Our focus should not be whether one member of the family
meets all conditions perfectly, to provide an easy relationship to enjoy,
rather the we should focus on the opportunities God gives us in family to build
up one another and refine our character. Family Is A Platform To Practice The
Same Qualities Or Characteristics Of Christ. Remember in your married life you
are married to a person who does not meet all the conditions, so that you
might learn unconditional love. You are married to a person who
needs mercy, so that you learn to give it. You are married to a person
who does not deserve so that you learn to pour lavishly yourself out on a
person who does not respond appropriately. And thus you become like the God you
worship.
GOD BLESS…
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